Thursday, November 7, 2013

a love story : part 2 - becoming friends

Richard? Oh my god Richard! It's you! I can't believe you're here! GUYS! Richard is here!! I hugged him really tight, trying to hold my balance. I was drunk. This was the first time I saw Richard since the award ceremony a year ago. I don't remember much of my birthday bonfire but I do remember Richard being there and I was pretty excited about seeing him (for some odd reason) maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was God throwing another sign at me. Either way, I missed the sign. (Richard later told me he left the party early because he parked on the street and cars could only park there till 10PM. He got back to his car and he had a ticket. He also brought me a Starbucks gift card but didn't give it to me because he claimed I was too drunk and would have lost it). **I got the card later in the story. :)

here I am on my 19th birthday, still sober.
The rest of the year I spent my time partying very hard, not doing any of my college work....basically slacking off. The fun only lasted for so long. It got boring, it got old....and I wanted my priorities back in order. It wasn't that easy. I couldn't just snap my fingers in hopes that everything would be magically okay again. I made these bad decisions and I was going to pay...big time!
This sums up my summer of 2007.
Richard and I remained cyber buddies throughout the end of the year. Him and his ex girlfriend were off and on and I was always there to give him some advice! Sometime in the fall I got back with an ex boyfriend not the one from the beginning of college another one. (I've only had 3 boyfriends, including Richard.) We will call my first boyfriend Seven (we dated when I was 16 for 1 year). We will call my boyfriend when I started college, TwentyOne. Okay now that it's cleared up let's continue.

So Seven and I got back together after breaking up sometime during my senior year in high school. Seven and I never had a good relationship. It was all kinds of bad but I still stuck around because I honestly did not want to be alone. I knew it was bad, I knew it wasn't healthy, and I definitely knew that it was not going to work. But I stayed.

 Anyway, the following year was hard. In the Spring of 2008 I got some REALLY bad news. After continuing time on probation at CSULB they were finally going to kick me out. I was completely broken. I cried and cried and cried. I felt so guilty knowing I had brought this upon myself. What was I becoming? I was not this person! Seven coincidentally had left on vacation to Europe. Normally, he would have been the person I called but since he was gone so I sent a message to the smartest person I knew, Richard.

March 13, 2008 was the exact day. I was sitting at the shuttle bus stop at school fidgeting with my sidekick. I went on my buddy list and clicked Richard's screen name. What I liked about Richard was that I could be completely honest and he wouldn't judge me. He was always open minded and never put me down. Finally, I told him what was going on. He reassured me, he told me I could get back in but I was just going to have to work hard. We talked for the rest of the day. After a few hours of talking on AIM, I got this weird feeling in my stomach. Something I hadn't felt since I was 16. I had butterflies. I started to mentally think to myself...oh my God! do I like him? no way! It's Richard! I could not shake the feeling! (Richard admitted to me later on that he felt a warm fuzzy feeling too!).

So we talked and talked. Later that night he called me. I remember seeing his name show up on my phone and I answered with my hands shaking and my voice breaking. I said Ello mate!. ( Do not ask me why I even did this, but I spoke in a British accent, maybe because I was so nervous? I have no idea why). Anyways, we talked over the phone still about 4AM the next day. Yes 4AM. Even at 4AM, it was hard to hang up. At around 7:30AM I got a call...without even looking at who was calling I answered, "Do you miss me already?" the caller said "Yes, I do! Europe is so fun." I reached out to see the number on my phone and it was not Richard, it was Seven.

We hung up and I proceeded to check my Myspace. What I use to do every morning. I had a message and it was from Richard. It was a picture of roses. so cute. I immediately texted my sister Liz and told her all about Richard. You know that feeling where you want to walk around like you own the world? I was walking around that day as if I had puffy clouds around me. I was literally walking on complete air. It was bliss. ( Richard admitted that he told his roommate about me, and also could not stop thinking about me). By the end of that week we were talking constantly and flirting like nobodies business.

On one of those days, Richard sent me a picture of the fortune in his fortune cookie. It read, "BEAUTIFUL THINGS AWAIT YOU". Then he commented and said...."they sure are beautiful". so cheesy. so cute. (we have the fortune framed now).

I went to visit Richard in April of that year. This would be the second time I saw him. I pulled up to his dorm, so nervous I could faint. It was dark out, the weather was nice and cool but I could not keep myself from turning bright red. I saw him coming out of the building towards me. My knees shook and my hands got sweaty. He stood in front of me and we met eyes. We hugged for what felt like a million minutes. Richard showed my friend and I around his dorm and we hung out for a while until we had to start driving back home. My friend kept whispering in my ear, you better kiss him! He walked us out to my car. My friend got in the car and Richard and I stayed behind. "It was really nice seeing you, it feels weird to talk face to face since we always talk over the phone" I nodded, "Yeah, it is a little weird". We hugged and hugged and my face met his but I just couldn't do it. I could not kiss him. But just being there in his arms, I felt like I was home. After the last hug, I started to walk away. I turned around and said, "I'll see you soon". I was right, I would see him very soon. *You know that Starbucks gift card that he was supposed to give me the year before on my Birthday? He had it on his desk and I took it! It still had a full balance. He knew coffee was the way to my heart since the beginning.

I want to say Richard came back to Los Angeles and we immediately started dating. That is far from what happened. Richard came back that summer and told me he was not going back to UCSD. Just like me, he was getting kicked out too. You're getting kicked out? what about your scholarships? and your big brain? Yup, he made plenty of mistakes and got the boot. So there we were two completely lost souls, not knowing what to do but knowing we had each other. We remained friends over the summer. We would go out every weekend to parks, restaurant's, museums...we did it all and by all I mean going out. Get your head out of the gutter! We had our first kiss later down the road. *Oh shoot, you probably want to know what happened to Seven! When he got back from Europe I told him about Richard. Seven and I weren't really "official" but I thought I would let him know. Seven and I completely lost ties in September of 2008.  

** taken from my diary
Richard and remained friends, strictly friends. We both enrolled at LA Harbor College and we both got jobs. I secretly had a crush on Richard, everyone knew but him. I guess he had a crush on me too since he would pick me flowers and come visit me every day after work. We studied at the school library and helped each other with school assignments. We were best friends. I loved Richard and I wanted to date him but I knew I couldn't because I just had way too much going on. I really wanted to get my priorities straight before jumping into another relationship. Even though we never talked about dating, he later told me he felt the same way. So, somehow we knew we wanted to be together without saying anything to each other. Silence is golden.
I began getting straight A's. I was heavily involved in art at the community college. That fall I won an award for a 3D installation I made. I was proud. Things were finally starting to fall into place. In February of 2009, Richard and I spent Valentine's Day together. We went to see a movie and then went to dinner. The waiter asked, "how long have you two been together?" I quickly responded "oh were just friends!". The waiter was not buying it, "Okay let me get this straight. You are two people, out to dinner.....on Valentines Day?....sure you're just friends!". We laughed. I wondered what Richard thought about what the waiter said. I knew I wanted to say, "oh well we love each other ever so passionately but we can't be together because we both got kicked out of our universities." but I chose just to smile instead. Till this day, I believe the waiter did not believe us. Richard and I want to go back to the restaurant some day and ask him if he remembers us. Just for kicks.

Richard and I sometime in 2009. Yes, I had braces...for the 2nd time.
After Valentines Day passed, I finally gathered the courage to tell Richard that I liked him....I was going to confess my love and completely risk everything. I did not have the dignity to even tell him face to face. So, I texted him:
I've been meaning to tell you this. Believe me it's hard to even type this out and I have a huge knot in my stomach because I am scared of what will happen between us but I want you to know something. I like you.
I like you too!
No, I mean I like you more than just a friend.
....................................I waited for his response.

Stay tuned for part 3 of the series "a love story".


*I will post part 3 tomorrow.


  1. This is really sweet! It makes me nostalgic, I'm very far away from my boyfriend right now and this makes me think of all our good memories from back in the day!

    1. Thanks for your comment Isa. Yes it is so nice to remember right? That's why I write all of this down. :)