Monday, November 4, 2013

moving in before marriage:


This is such a touchy subject. Believe me, it took a lot out of my parents (who are extremely dedicated catholics), to come into terms with the idea of their last child moving out before tying the knot. I prepared them a year in advance. When I told my dad about my plans he was a bit shocked but not completely against the idea. He actually agreed on some parts of my statements saying, "yeah, so many marriages fail because you just don't know the person until you live together". I was surprised by his reaction and knew he would be okay with me moving out. I knew early on I wanted to move in with Richard before we got married. Even though most statistics are against cohabitation. "In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples" . So here we are trying to beat the odds. Here are a few things that I feel are at our advantage for Richard and I:

1. We were best friends (strictly) for 2 and a half years before we started to officially "date". We dated for 3 years before moving in.

2. We got engaged 1 week before we moved in.

3. We have a joint bank account. (Money is one of the top reasons couples divorce). We joined our bank accounts the first week we moved in. I know that this might be a HUGE problem for some people, but it has helped us. We don't have to discuss who pays what or who pays when we go out etc.
Why did we choose to move in before marriage?

We wanted to learn the ropes...see how things would play out. You just never know, Richard could have been really really messy. He is actually very neat & I am the messy one. We just wanted to finish our education, move out & then get married. We're engaged so we obviously want to get married, just not now. Because lets face it weddings are expensive & they take a ton of planning to do. I can't imagine a wedding plus moving in. I would go nuts.

Even though it seems like it, it's not always rainbows and cotton candy between us.
Richard and I have not always met eye to eye. Oh boy, when we first started dating it was hard to transisiton from "best friends" to "best friend/boyfriend". It was hard, but we did it. We all come with baggage....and I feel that you can't truly committ yourself to a relationship until you work out that baggage. When Richard and I first got together, I had a ton of baggage that I had to work through, and so did Richard. My insecurities mixed with his pridefulness was not a good mix, at all. Luckily, we both believed in each other and loved each other so much that it worked out.

A ton of people told me that everything was going to change between us when we moved in. I was scared that I was going to lose my best friend. However, 2 and half months in and things are still great between us. I think we argued more when we didn't live together! Sure, we bicker here and there..(Richard, please stop leaving food in the sink! It drives me bananas), but nothing major. Sometimes when we haven't bickered in a while I tell him, "hey we should argue about something". Then we both laugh.

Cohabitation is working for us so far. It's fun. I have someone to tell my jokes to, I have someone who will try all my recipes, I don't have to sleep alone (or turn off the lights once I'm in bed), I have someone who is willing to do my laundry (thanks Richard!) but ultimately, it feels like a sleep over, every night. I love this life I am living with my very best friend by my side. If I have ever made a good decision it was this one.

Next year we will have the official seal ( a paper stating we are married ) but I feel like we already have that seal right now. I take this relationship very very very seriously, and so does he. I don't think us moving in before the official stamp has changed us, and if it did, it was for the better.



photos taken by my tripod :)


  1. I sooooo agree about everything Jessi! Derek and I fight way less, and I look forward to dinners and nights after work with each other. Beautifully written Jessi!


    1. Yes, nights are always awesome! It feels so awesome. I can't wait for your wedding!

  2. This is beautifully written. You have a lovely blog.

    1. Thanks so much anita! Your blog is also amazing. Love your photos.

  3. This is so sweet! I can't wait until I have this opportunity with my love.

    1. It will come soon! the wait is a little dreadful but it comes before you know it!

  4. This is all sooooo true. People get so fussy if you move in together before you get married, and I think it's so silly.